Monday, June 7, 2010

The trouble with unrequited love

Dear TTB

I recently found myself in Bermuda and followed your advice and confronted my briefcase ‘friend’ to clarify where we stood. Anyway to cut a long story short – he’s just not that into me. Because I am quite a hardcore chick I took this all in my stride and really don’t have any hard feelings about it but I do want to protect myself in this whole scenario. Do you have any advice on what I should do now?

Thanks
Ex-Bermuda girl

Dear Ex-Bermuda Girl

That sucks. It always does. Unrequited love, psshh, it’s for the birds! Firstly congratulate yourself on a job well done. You came, you saw, you confronted. Bam. That’s girl power right there. So instead of being the weak puppy following his lame-ass around you made him make a call and now you know and are free to pursue other (better) avenues of luurrve. (That is once you are free of your issues with ex-Bermuda briefcase.) Fortunately you have come to the right place to find some advice to soothe your hardcore but semi-sad heart. TTB gives you her top 10 steps to dealing with unrequited love:


1) Rent a few DVD’s or a good series. (Perhaps steer away from the romantic comedies.) Get cosy in your living room with a few blankets. Warmth and a funny DVD always warm a sad heart.
2) Call on the girlfriend brigade to join you in DVD revelry and to tell you how you could do so much better.
3) Chocolate. Need I say anymore?
4) Two words: RETAIL THERAPY. TTB’s motto is: I shop, therefore I cope. (Grocery shopping also counts as a RT session. Don’t want you to be heart broken and well, broke.)
5) Now, that you have done the whole escapism thing, it’s time for the harder steps to freedom: NO COMMUNICATION. You need to kindly and gently make it clear to him that while you don’t hate him or dislike him (in fact the very opposite) you do need some space to get over it. So you don’t want to chat, or text or email. Or socialize for that matter… Spin it on him making it a, “this is how YOU can help ME out by backing off and giving me space.” Plays into the whole hero complex so he doesn’t feel like you’re being mean and he respects your space. If you handle it in the right way – graciously - it will work like a charm. You’ll be free of him and he’ll think you’re a (weird but) smart girl and will leave your semi-broken heart in peace. Most of the times briefcases won’t get this whole no communication vibe so don’t try to explain it too much. It’s a men are from Mars vibe…
6) Delete his number and his email address.
7) Delete him from Facebook. (Wait that’s a bit harsh. Stay friends with him but hide him from your newsfeed.)
8) Buy a box of tissues and have a good cry. Take it from one hardcore handbag to another; crying is cathartic and super necessary. Yip, it’s important to mourn the friendship. It is a massive loss but it’s also an essential part of the love-and-loss journey of life.
9) Get a hobby. Take up pottery, painting or maybe kickboxing and pin his head to the punch bag. Gym is always a great option as it leaves you healthy, athletic and HOT. Alternatively, you could always start a blog…
10) Finally, once you have severed the ties, wiped away the tears and pursued a distraction to prove that life is worth living. Once your thought count of ex-Bermuda briefcase is close to zero, you are ready for the final step. TTB calls it OHP: Operation Hot Debutante. Yip, it’s your coming out party! The next time you are forced to meet each other in a social situation ensure that you are civil, smiling and above all wearing a LBD. There’s nothing like looking glamorous, confident and SO over him to get you out of the dumps and back in the dating game! Who knows whom you might meet there?


Yours sincerely
TTB

P.S. This is dedicated to handbags all over the world who have at some time had to deal with unrequited love.

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