The trouble with horses, graves and town planning

Awhile ago The Turqoise Bag told us of her homelessness. She is happy to announce that she has moved to the leafy suburb of Kenilworth. Yes, Kenilworth. TTB had many reservations about this move. For a start what bag would want to move to a street called “Wargrave”. South Africa has a major crime problem and that really is tempting fate, wouldn’t you say? She also felt that a suburb that sounds like it was named after a “kennel”, was probably also a bit dodgy. However, in a wave of thankfulness (and well, yes, destitution) she moved in with two other, lovely handbags and found herself in Kenilworth.

Upon her move, the first thing she noticed was that the roads were, well, a tad on the narrow side. So driving up and down the various “alleys” in Kenilworth resulted in more of a weave than an actual drive. (You know, in a straight line without any cars parked in the way of your automobile) No matter though, this daily weave has definitely improved her defensive driving skills. However, trouble struck as soon as one of SA's most glamorous events came to town: The J&B Met. Now, TTB enjoys a bit of glamour. Actually, that's an understatement. She LOVES glamour. LIVES for glamour. I mean, she is a handbag after all and rare Korean Turquoise bag nogal!

But underneath all that glamour-loveen is also a great desire for efficiency. And let me tell you dahling, the parking at this do was far from efficient! Cause guess what? All 50 000 J&B Metters decided to park outside her house! So, at first TTB was a tad excited about all the lovely people from the Met gracing her humble street. She knew there was no chance of getting a peek at any of the rich and famous folks (because who was going to park in a street named Wargrave if VIP is your middle name?) but at the very least she would set her eyes on some haute couture. So she pulled out the binocs papa manbag gave to her and hung her tiny little turquoise behind out the window to get a good look at the passersby.

Dear readers, you will simply not believe this. Not one half decent outfit in sight. Not even a decent hand bag in sight. What has the world come to if people just don't dress up for The Met? She was especially surprised to find a few gentlemen and one or two ladies dressed in very similar blue clothes roaming the streets. Her first thoughts were, "Ag shame, these people thought they were getting designer outfits and boy did they get ripped off!" But all of a sudden one of these fashionably misguided fellows pulled out a pad of pink paper and stuck something on TTB's beautiful, new car. It was fan mail, for sure! She was so flattered that this lovely gentleman had come all this way to Wargrave Road to deliver his appreciation for the wit and beauty of The Turquoise Bag (and her new car) that she smiled and waved at him. He didn't smile back. "Lady, is this your car?" TTB nodded and said, "Isn't she beautiful?" Mr Fashionably Misguided said, "Uh, I doesn't know how beautiful this car is but I does know that it is parked illegally."

"What, are you talking about young man? This is my home. It's perfectly legal for me to park here," TTB said in her most scary, resolute voice that she could muster up. "Lady, I is not here to argue with you. If you don't move this car, that big blue tow truck is going to tow it away." TTB raced downstairs to save her beautiful car from this great injustice. She begged, she pleaded for Mr FM(not Frequency Modulation but Fashionably Misguided) to make the pink slip (that had turned out to be a fine of 300 Raant) and the tow truck go away. She eventually got angry, "Sir, where am I supposed to park my car? These roads are so narrow, they are like alleys. There is nowhere, but here, on the road for me to park! It's not my fault that there was such bad town planning and that all these houses are packed on top of each other and the roads aren't wide enough for all the cars. I mean, look at the name of this road! Wargrave! It was probably called that because they only made it wide enough for a horse cart pulling a coffin to come past!"

Mr FM eventually saw the logic in the argument explaining her predicament and called off the tow truck. He then proceeded to give TTB a long lecture about how it was a illegal to park on a curb and within 5 metres of an intersection. And what is a handbag to do if is she lives on a corner within 5 metres of an intersection? After this refresher course on the rules and regulations of parking, Mr FM turned to TTB and said, "I am sorry lady. We had to make an example out of you. Otherwise all these people going to see the horses would be parking anywhere and everywhere. Now, please park somewhere else." TTB turned to obey when Mr FM said, "Now, always remember lady, Cars is not things to play with!" TTB considered this piece of generous advice and thought ruefully: And neither is town planning!