The trouble with having too many options

Dear TTB

I have a question about what to do when you have options of a few potential relationships. I mean how do you decide who to date? I kind of like all of them… Please help me!

Thanks
Girl-with-many-options

Dear Girl-with-many-options

You are indeed in a conundrum if you have more than one interested suitor. I have a few things to say about this topic.

1) You may be having delusions of hotness. Yes, it’s kind of like having a phantom pregnancy. You think all of these guys are interested in you when perhaps they really aren’t. Harsh, but true. So before you invest too much emotion and brain power into mulling this dilemma over, I would suggest that you make sure these briefcases are keen on you. Of course I am not suggesting that you aren’t attractive or that these briefcases aren’t in fact interested in being more than compadres. I am merely suggesting that you consider this as a possible option. Enough said.

2) A sure fire way of making sure these “options” are well, really, options is to use the Julianne-chasing Michael-chasing Kimmy test. Yes, it was inspired by my all time favourite flick: My Best Friend’s Wedding. (Julia and Everett, I <3 you!) So you know the scene where Julianne is trying to destroy the pending wedding of Kimmy and Michael and she calls George (the man we all wish was straight) and tells him of her latest failed plans and he in exasperation says, “Michael was chasing Kimmy and you were chasing Michael. Who was chasing you? Nobody!” There’s a lot to be learned from George’s observation. If the briefcase ain’t chasing you, he ain’t into you. And any kind of chasing from your side is a total waste of time. (This latter is just general advice – maybe doesn’t apply totally to your situation.) So are any of them sincerely pursuing you and making their intentions clear? Yes? You still have at least two suitors on your mind who fit this description? Then proceed to point 3.

3) Another great piece of TV advice that has stuck with me is the advice Mrs Camden gave Lucy Camden in one of the early seasons of 7th Heaven. (Yes, I admit I used to watch 7th Heaven. Bite me.) Anyway, so Lucy was being pursued by the hippie Rod and her straight-as-an-arrow former boyfriend, Jimmy Moon. Rod wrote her a ballad expressing his deep affection for her (it made absolutely no sense but was sweet nonetheless). Jimmy Moon said some speech or other, at any rate it was far less memorable then Rod’s luuuurve song. (if it were up to me, I would have chosen Rod!) After all this she couldn’t decide which one she was going to go out with. Eventually her mom gently tells her that if she can’t decide between the two of them, then she probably doesn’t really like either of them. So she rejects both of them and still ends up marrying the hot but VERY BORING fire fighter. (So unrealistic, but this is TV we’re talking about. Really, she should have stuck with Rod.) But the advice still rings true: if you can’t make up your mind because one of them doesn’t clearly stand out to you, it’s obvious you don’t want to be in a relationship with any of them.

Well, that’s all I have to say on that subject. Hope it all works out for the best!

Yours sincerely
TTB