The trouble with terrorism

TTB apologizes for her recent absence from the blogosphere. She’s been fighting illness in the family and corporate South Africa and broken computers and the likes. But she’s back and back with vengeance as she tackles another topic about those undeniable differences between men and women.

TTB was recently tasked with transporting enough food to feed a small, African country to a secret destination. Since TTB believes that the only carrying handbags ought to be doing is that of the beauty essentials: lip gloss, mirror, brush, perfume and of course a credit card (for some unplanned shopping!) she enlisted the assistance of 5 strong, young lads. After all, that’s the very reason briefcases were invented – to carry things! So, to keep her company she invited a lovely lady (because hanging out with so many briefcases without a wing woman can be very taxing.) TTB has taken this young handbag under her wing and has been showing her a thing or two about life. And this trip was to reveal one of the most important lessons a handbag can learn…

The morning progressed very well – the briefcases were very cooperative carrying 200 litres of ice-cream here and 150 litres of juice there. They really were first class carriers but as the morning wore on, the briefcases started becoming a little more vocal. A chirp here, a chirp there – you know, as briefcases do. TTB’s young ward started becoming more and more agitated by these sparring comments from the team of briefcases. At one point in response to one of the briefcases’ more out there comments, the Young Handbag (YH) muscled up a right-back-at-ya chirp. TTB smiled and walked off. The YH looked aghast and said, “How can you just ignore them?” TTB responded, “It’s a skill. Taken me 7 years to learn this!” Briefcase 1 smartly commented, “Well, if you can’t handle the heat, you better get out of the kitchen!” Briefcase 2 laughed and said, “No way, we don’t want them to ever leave the kitchen – the kitchen should be the handbag’s natural habitat!” YH’s jaw dropped and was about to say something that she was definitely going to regret when TTB gently took her aside and suggested a brisk walk to cool off.

“Young Handbag, let me teach you a survival techniques that will stand you in good stead.” YH nodded eagerly and TTB took her through the following life philosophy. For years and years, this handbag has been very hot-headed. She used to respond to every verbal duel that came her way. (Well, maybe ‘used to’ is a bit of an overstatement. Unfortunately she sometimes still falls for these traps and feels the need to go head to head with some thick-skinned oke.) Briefcases like to chirp handbags. (At least those of the South African variety do.) Generally these comments have some sexist overtone and then they wait for the handbag to get all up in arms and then the fun really begins... Recently she has realised that responding to these challenges by briefcases – who are generally far less invested in whatever topic they try to lure you into discussion about – is utterly pointless. Yes, dear YH, the point of these verbal duels is not to have a fair debate about the topic. Oh no, most of the time it is a game of who can come up with the wittiest response and how quickly said briefcase can send said handbag into a froth of anger. And this is where one of the most fundamental differences between briefcases and handbags come into play.

Briefcases can generally keep going at this game of verbal one-upmanship for months without getting the least bit phased or emotional. (Ok, we’re talking generally. Please don’t write to me about how you’re a really sensitive briefcase and how you’re offended by TTB’s assumptions here. GENERALLY. Generally. Get it? If you’re a sensitive briefcase who only speaks nice, kind words to handbags then please write to TTB. She thinks such rare specimens are like lank eligible, bru.) On the other hand, handbags who engage in these pointless conversations (primarily started for the pleasure of the briefcase) eventually get emotional – annoyed, angry and well, a bit sensitive. (Again, generally this is what occurs. There are those rare handbags who can rebut any briefcase and seem totally calm while she’s at it. Please don’t write me either as I have made allowance for your case also.) What is the result? The content of the debate is irrelevant; the true winner in this duel is the one who remains calm and unrattled (almost always the briefcase) and the loser leaves the conversation irritated and with higher blood pressure (almost always the handbag). So the real moral of the story is to let duelling be left to men. After all, that’s what chivalry was all about back in the day when it was more prevalent…

After all this explanation, the YH turned to TTB and said, “But, I still don’t understand!” TTB sighed and then the perfect analogy dawned on her. “YH, imagine that you are the U.S. Government.” YH nodded eagerly. “And imagine that Briefcase 1 over there is a terrorist.” YH looks a bit confused but agrees to imagine such a thing. “Imagine that the terrorist has a list of demands of the U.S. What should the U.S. Government do?” “Well, I’m not really sure?” said YH. “They should ignore them,” TTB said bluntly. “Why?” asked YH. “It’s very simple: negotiating with terrorists gives them the impression that they have some influence over that independent state’s affairs. The best thing to do is to ignore their demands and eventually they’ll lose interest. You see it’s not about the actual thing they may want – like the content of the conversation we discussed earlier. It’s the attention they receive and the impact it makes on that nation that keeps their terrorism thriving. That’s basic psychology for you.” “Mmm, I don’t think I understand where you’re going with this,” lamented the unconvinced YH. “Ok, think about one of those dreadful action flicks that you’ve watched. What do the U.S. Government never do when terrorist are involved in well, acts of terror?” Suddenly and with absolute delight the Young Handbag came to one of the most fundamental epiphanies any strong-willed handbag should have, “They never negotiate with terrorists!”

And neither should you!

Yours sincerely
TTB