To my dear readers
Firstly a MASSIVE thank you to those of you who have so loyally read and followed my blog. I have been so encouraged by your comments, emails and kind words and have almost convinced myself that I might not be a half bad writer. Secondly a very big thank you to the numerous people who shared their love life triumphs and disasters with me (and my readers) and were humble enough to ask for a dash of advice (albeit some commiseration). Also a big thank you to those of you, who recognized me and stopped to give me your two cents' worth on where I was hitting and missing the mark! I do appreciate the criticism along with the compliments. I have decided to (like any good TV series or band worth listening to, notably The Killers), take a bit of an hiatus. Of course there are a good many reasons that people especially in the entertainment industry might take a break from their work: a little R 'n R for example. (Not Rock 'n Roll but rest and relaxation. Although, one might argue that you really can't have one without the other which proves my point!) Hiatus = R 'n R = new creativity. Since writing is really a creative outlet, I have decided to take a break so that I might return to this blog full of energy, new ideas and plenty of advice. I must apologize to those who have written to me in the past few weeks, I have shelved your letters and do have every intention of answering them post-hiatus. You might say that my response would be far too late by then and that may well be true so please do forgive me, anyway. I reckon a dash of mystery never hurt anyone and it might be good for you to live without answers for awhile? If that answer doesn't satisfy you then consider this quote by Erica Jong, "Advice is what we ask for when we know the answer, but wish we didn't!"
Thanks for sharing the last few months with me. Hope to be back soon!
Yours sincerely
TTB
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
The trouble with unemployment: TTB's official guide to earning legitimate moola
To the very intelligent and hot TTB
We salute you. We pride ourselves that we are not stuck in a relational Bermuda, neither do we suffer from delusions of hotness. We are not trying to be friends with everyone, but are abundantly social handbags. This short bit of bragging has in fact just led us to the somewhat dismal conclusion that perhaps we are not actually IN the relationship game. Hence we have successfully avoided all pitfalls of the heart and may as well be lifetime members of the cloister around the corner.
What we do seek your counsel on is the small matter of unemployment. (Not that unemployment is a small matter- we think many young people would agree that this is a hugely challenging problem.) Please help us out of our peanut-butter-ravaging-saving-the-world-from-our-couches-buying-1ply-toilet-paper-crisis.
As you are undoubtedly a woman of logical finesse, please could you provide us with a three step plan (preferably bulleted and alliterated, due to dulled brain power) to help us work our way from a quagmire of disillusionment, and shaky self-esteem, teetering on a breakdown resulting in a SH (Shelved Handbag) resorting to furious credit card spending and the consumption of yet more peanut butter.
Denial. Denial is perhaps the root issue we are dealing with. A handbag never wants to admit that she may in fact be so last season that she becomes an SH. This is why we have come to plead our case before you.
Regards,
Unraveling-at-the-seams 1 and 2.
Dear Unraveling-at-the-seams 1 and 2
Thank you for your kind words and salutations. Firstly I must congratulate you on your pristine Bermuda records. Good work, I say, good work. The question of whether you are out of the dating game I shall address later in my entry for now let’s deal with the moola.
TTB’s 3 steps to employment (wait I couldn’t do it in 3 so I did it in a multiple of 3, okay?):
1) Su Doku. Yes, my dear handbags, you need to start playing Su Doku. Why you might ask? Firstly you are complaining of dulled brainpower so you need to get those brains of yours working. Su Doku is an excellent teacher in perseverance, patience and logic and you will need all three to get back into the job market. (It’s also a very useful way to pass the time while waiting for an interview or at 1am in the morning when you can’t sleep after having an afternoon nap.)
2) Skills. Now that you’ve got your perseverance, patience and logic groove on. It’s time to start a list of all your marketable skills. Think about all the jobs you’ve done and list them. Then LOGICALLY decide what skills you have picked up and how you could use this to market yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. You are more capable and talented then you think you are.
3) Scenery. Take some time to look around at what the world. What would you like it to look like? Yes, dream a little. Then have a reality check and think how you could REALISTICALLY reach these dreams of saving the world. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are going to need some patience to see your vision achieved. That may mean taking a few job detours along the way to keep the home fires burning. But keep the vision in mind, always, even if you’re flipping burgers in McDonald’s. You are not going to be stuck in your next job forever so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find the “perfect’ job right here, right now. It’s like the “perfect” man – he doesn’t exist but perseverance means you find the one that is most “perfect” for you.
4) See-Vee. Yes, the good old Curriculum Vitae. You need a professional, up-to-date, short and sweet, eye-grabbing-“I’m hot”-hire-me CV. It’s worth swiping that credit card one last time to get someone in an HR field to set it up for you properly. HR people are also more likely to know how to identify your talents and use your skills (that you have so dutifully written down) to get potential employers’ attention.
5) Supplements. That is of the Career variety (not any other illegal ones like Steroids). Pick up the Cape Times next Monday (Monday’s edition has a career supplement) and check out the classifieds. See what jobs are out there and in line with your dream plan and then…apply, apply, apply. Send out 200 CV’s if you need to.
6) Secondary jobs. Also look at jobs you may not want to necessarily work in for the next 30 years. At the moment you want to start paying the bills – so even if it’s something short-term like waitressing at one of the World Cup spots, it may be worth it until something that is more in line with your plan of getting from A to B comes up. (You also might meet a hot footballer and become a WAG in which case you will never have to work again. Yippee. Honestly, that’s TTB’s plan A. But stay away from anyone with the surname Terry.)
7) Shopaholics Anonymous. Watch Rebecca Bloomwood deal with her credit crisis for some comic relief and then stick that credit card in the freezer. Actually, first buy some more peanut butter and cut the card up. Debt is so last year.
8) Series of interviews. Be prepared for lots of interviews and lots of rejections. Take your Su Doku with you to avert nerves and boredom. Be on time. Get dressed up and look professional. Make up (nothing over the top), high heels, tailored trousers and skirts on the knee. Neat and tidy nails. NO PLUNGING NECK LINES. And a confident smile always helps. (Borrow clothes if you need to.) Richard Bolles reckons you should always send a follow up note or email post-interview when you are rejected. Just saying, “hey, thanks for interviewing me.” Even if they haven’t hired you, someone, somewhere will remember you for a future job.
9) Salary, baby. Somebody, somewhere, sometime will give you a job. Yip, it will happen. Keep the faith, dear handbags, keep the faith.
About the question of whether you are honorary members at the local convent: it’s a matter of perspective. Do you feel old and on the shelf? Do you feel out of the game? Or are the people around you and the world that you see, making you feel that way? Perspective, dahlings, perspective! Get some and then reassess. TTB does approve of the way you are going about things. First job and purpose, then Mr. Briefcase. It will save you a lot of trouble along the way as you have a vision for yourself and thus you won’t fall into the trap that many handbags do, where they cling onto some unsuspecting briefcase for reasons of security. (The relationship almost always fails because both people need to have independent direction in their lives before they can have a meaningful purpose together.) So you keep doing your “Independent Women” vibe because it’s not the job of the handbag to be running after them briefcases, wait to for that briefcase to find a secure, independent you! (So as long as you don’t have: “I am unavailable. Leave me alone!” printed on your forehead, I think you’re okay.) TTB thinks that you are most excellent handbags and can’t wait to hear of the fab jobs you are both going to get where you can start living on more of a champers and caviar diet and ditch the peanut butter!
Yours sincerely
TTB
We salute you. We pride ourselves that we are not stuck in a relational Bermuda, neither do we suffer from delusions of hotness. We are not trying to be friends with everyone, but are abundantly social handbags. This short bit of bragging has in fact just led us to the somewhat dismal conclusion that perhaps we are not actually IN the relationship game. Hence we have successfully avoided all pitfalls of the heart and may as well be lifetime members of the cloister around the corner.
What we do seek your counsel on is the small matter of unemployment. (Not that unemployment is a small matter- we think many young people would agree that this is a hugely challenging problem.) Please help us out of our peanut-butter-ravaging-saving-the-world-from-our-couches-buying-1ply-toilet-paper-crisis.
As you are undoubtedly a woman of logical finesse, please could you provide us with a three step plan (preferably bulleted and alliterated, due to dulled brain power) to help us work our way from a quagmire of disillusionment, and shaky self-esteem, teetering on a breakdown resulting in a SH (Shelved Handbag) resorting to furious credit card spending and the consumption of yet more peanut butter.
Denial. Denial is perhaps the root issue we are dealing with. A handbag never wants to admit that she may in fact be so last season that she becomes an SH. This is why we have come to plead our case before you.
Regards,
Unraveling-at-the-seams 1 and 2.
Dear Unraveling-at-the-seams 1 and 2
Thank you for your kind words and salutations. Firstly I must congratulate you on your pristine Bermuda records. Good work, I say, good work. The question of whether you are out of the dating game I shall address later in my entry for now let’s deal with the moola.
TTB’s 3 steps to employment (wait I couldn’t do it in 3 so I did it in a multiple of 3, okay?):
1) Su Doku. Yes, my dear handbags, you need to start playing Su Doku. Why you might ask? Firstly you are complaining of dulled brainpower so you need to get those brains of yours working. Su Doku is an excellent teacher in perseverance, patience and logic and you will need all three to get back into the job market. (It’s also a very useful way to pass the time while waiting for an interview or at 1am in the morning when you can’t sleep after having an afternoon nap.)
2) Skills. Now that you’ve got your perseverance, patience and logic groove on. It’s time to start a list of all your marketable skills. Think about all the jobs you’ve done and list them. Then LOGICALLY decide what skills you have picked up and how you could use this to market yourself. Don’t sell yourself short. You are more capable and talented then you think you are.
3) Scenery. Take some time to look around at what the world. What would you like it to look like? Yes, dream a little. Then have a reality check and think how you could REALISTICALLY reach these dreams of saving the world. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You are going to need some patience to see your vision achieved. That may mean taking a few job detours along the way to keep the home fires burning. But keep the vision in mind, always, even if you’re flipping burgers in McDonald’s. You are not going to be stuck in your next job forever so don’t put too much pressure on yourself to find the “perfect’ job right here, right now. It’s like the “perfect” man – he doesn’t exist but perseverance means you find the one that is most “perfect” for you.
4) See-Vee. Yes, the good old Curriculum Vitae. You need a professional, up-to-date, short and sweet, eye-grabbing-“I’m hot”-hire-me CV. It’s worth swiping that credit card one last time to get someone in an HR field to set it up for you properly. HR people are also more likely to know how to identify your talents and use your skills (that you have so dutifully written down) to get potential employers’ attention.
5) Supplements. That is of the Career variety (not any other illegal ones like Steroids). Pick up the Cape Times next Monday (Monday’s edition has a career supplement) and check out the classifieds. See what jobs are out there and in line with your dream plan and then…apply, apply, apply. Send out 200 CV’s if you need to.
6) Secondary jobs. Also look at jobs you may not want to necessarily work in for the next 30 years. At the moment you want to start paying the bills – so even if it’s something short-term like waitressing at one of the World Cup spots, it may be worth it until something that is more in line with your plan of getting from A to B comes up. (You also might meet a hot footballer and become a WAG in which case you will never have to work again. Yippee. Honestly, that’s TTB’s plan A. But stay away from anyone with the surname Terry.)
7) Shopaholics Anonymous. Watch Rebecca Bloomwood deal with her credit crisis for some comic relief and then stick that credit card in the freezer. Actually, first buy some more peanut butter and cut the card up. Debt is so last year.
8) Series of interviews. Be prepared for lots of interviews and lots of rejections. Take your Su Doku with you to avert nerves and boredom. Be on time. Get dressed up and look professional. Make up (nothing over the top), high heels, tailored trousers and skirts on the knee. Neat and tidy nails. NO PLUNGING NECK LINES. And a confident smile always helps. (Borrow clothes if you need to.) Richard Bolles reckons you should always send a follow up note or email post-interview when you are rejected. Just saying, “hey, thanks for interviewing me.” Even if they haven’t hired you, someone, somewhere will remember you for a future job.
9) Salary, baby. Somebody, somewhere, sometime will give you a job. Yip, it will happen. Keep the faith, dear handbags, keep the faith.
About the question of whether you are honorary members at the local convent: it’s a matter of perspective. Do you feel old and on the shelf? Do you feel out of the game? Or are the people around you and the world that you see, making you feel that way? Perspective, dahlings, perspective! Get some and then reassess. TTB does approve of the way you are going about things. First job and purpose, then Mr. Briefcase. It will save you a lot of trouble along the way as you have a vision for yourself and thus you won’t fall into the trap that many handbags do, where they cling onto some unsuspecting briefcase for reasons of security. (The relationship almost always fails because both people need to have independent direction in their lives before they can have a meaningful purpose together.) So you keep doing your “Independent Women” vibe because it’s not the job of the handbag to be running after them briefcases, wait to for that briefcase to find a secure, independent you! (So as long as you don’t have: “I am unavailable. Leave me alone!” printed on your forehead, I think you’re okay.) TTB thinks that you are most excellent handbags and can’t wait to hear of the fab jobs you are both going to get where you can start living on more of a champers and caviar diet and ditch the peanut butter!
Yours sincerely
TTB
Monday, June 7, 2010
The trouble with unrequited love
Dear TTB
I recently found myself in Bermuda and followed your advice and confronted my briefcase ‘friend’ to clarify where we stood. Anyway to cut a long story short – he’s just not that into me. Because I am quite a hardcore chick I took this all in my stride and really don’t have any hard feelings about it but I do want to protect myself in this whole scenario. Do you have any advice on what I should do now?
Thanks
Ex-Bermuda girl
Dear Ex-Bermuda Girl
That sucks. It always does. Unrequited love, psshh, it’s for the birds! Firstly congratulate yourself on a job well done. You came, you saw, you confronted. Bam. That’s girl power right there. So instead of being the weak puppy following his lame-ass around you made him make a call and now you know and are free to pursue other (better) avenues of luurrve. (That is once you are free of your issues with ex-Bermuda briefcase.) Fortunately you have come to the right place to find some advice to soothe your hardcore but semi-sad heart. TTB gives you her top 10 steps to dealing with unrequited love:
1) Rent a few DVD’s or a good series. (Perhaps steer away from the romantic comedies.) Get cosy in your living room with a few blankets. Warmth and a funny DVD always warm a sad heart.
2) Call on the girlfriend brigade to join you in DVD revelry and to tell you how you could do so much better.
3) Chocolate. Need I say anymore?
4) Two words: RETAIL THERAPY. TTB’s motto is: I shop, therefore I cope. (Grocery shopping also counts as a RT session. Don’t want you to be heart broken and well, broke.)
5) Now, that you have done the whole escapism thing, it’s time for the harder steps to freedom: NO COMMUNICATION. You need to kindly and gently make it clear to him that while you don’t hate him or dislike him (in fact the very opposite) you do need some space to get over it. So you don’t want to chat, or text or email. Or socialize for that matter… Spin it on him making it a, “this is how YOU can help ME out by backing off and giving me space.” Plays into the whole hero complex so he doesn’t feel like you’re being mean and he respects your space. If you handle it in the right way – graciously - it will work like a charm. You’ll be free of him and he’ll think you’re a (weird but) smart girl and will leave your semi-broken heart in peace. Most of the times briefcases won’t get this whole no communication vibe so don’t try to explain it too much. It’s a men are from Mars vibe…
6) Delete his number and his email address.
7) Delete him from Facebook. (Wait that’s a bit harsh. Stay friends with him but hide him from your newsfeed.)
8) Buy a box of tissues and have a good cry. Take it from one hardcore handbag to another; crying is cathartic and super necessary. Yip, it’s important to mourn the friendship. It is a massive loss but it’s also an essential part of the love-and-loss journey of life.
9) Get a hobby. Take up pottery, painting or maybe kickboxing and pin his head to the punch bag. Gym is always a great option as it leaves you healthy, athletic and HOT. Alternatively, you could always start a blog…
10) Finally, once you have severed the ties, wiped away the tears and pursued a distraction to prove that life is worth living. Once your thought count of ex-Bermuda briefcase is close to zero, you are ready for the final step. TTB calls it OHP: Operation Hot Debutante. Yip, it’s your coming out party! The next time you are forced to meet each other in a social situation ensure that you are civil, smiling and above all wearing a LBD. There’s nothing like looking glamorous, confident and SO over him to get you out of the dumps and back in the dating game! Who knows whom you might meet there?
Yours sincerely
TTB
P.S. This is dedicated to handbags all over the world who have at some time had to deal with unrequited love.
I recently found myself in Bermuda and followed your advice and confronted my briefcase ‘friend’ to clarify where we stood. Anyway to cut a long story short – he’s just not that into me. Because I am quite a hardcore chick I took this all in my stride and really don’t have any hard feelings about it but I do want to protect myself in this whole scenario. Do you have any advice on what I should do now?
Thanks
Ex-Bermuda girl
Dear Ex-Bermuda Girl
That sucks. It always does. Unrequited love, psshh, it’s for the birds! Firstly congratulate yourself on a job well done. You came, you saw, you confronted. Bam. That’s girl power right there. So instead of being the weak puppy following his lame-ass around you made him make a call and now you know and are free to pursue other (better) avenues of luurrve. (That is once you are free of your issues with ex-Bermuda briefcase.) Fortunately you have come to the right place to find some advice to soothe your hardcore but semi-sad heart. TTB gives you her top 10 steps to dealing with unrequited love:
1) Rent a few DVD’s or a good series. (Perhaps steer away from the romantic comedies.) Get cosy in your living room with a few blankets. Warmth and a funny DVD always warm a sad heart.
2) Call on the girlfriend brigade to join you in DVD revelry and to tell you how you could do so much better.
3) Chocolate. Need I say anymore?
4) Two words: RETAIL THERAPY. TTB’s motto is: I shop, therefore I cope. (Grocery shopping also counts as a RT session. Don’t want you to be heart broken and well, broke.)
5) Now, that you have done the whole escapism thing, it’s time for the harder steps to freedom: NO COMMUNICATION. You need to kindly and gently make it clear to him that while you don’t hate him or dislike him (in fact the very opposite) you do need some space to get over it. So you don’t want to chat, or text or email. Or socialize for that matter… Spin it on him making it a, “this is how YOU can help ME out by backing off and giving me space.” Plays into the whole hero complex so he doesn’t feel like you’re being mean and he respects your space. If you handle it in the right way – graciously - it will work like a charm. You’ll be free of him and he’ll think you’re a (weird but) smart girl and will leave your semi-broken heart in peace. Most of the times briefcases won’t get this whole no communication vibe so don’t try to explain it too much. It’s a men are from Mars vibe…
6) Delete his number and his email address.
7) Delete him from Facebook. (Wait that’s a bit harsh. Stay friends with him but hide him from your newsfeed.)
8) Buy a box of tissues and have a good cry. Take it from one hardcore handbag to another; crying is cathartic and super necessary. Yip, it’s important to mourn the friendship. It is a massive loss but it’s also an essential part of the love-and-loss journey of life.
9) Get a hobby. Take up pottery, painting or maybe kickboxing and pin his head to the punch bag. Gym is always a great option as it leaves you healthy, athletic and HOT. Alternatively, you could always start a blog…
10) Finally, once you have severed the ties, wiped away the tears and pursued a distraction to prove that life is worth living. Once your thought count of ex-Bermuda briefcase is close to zero, you are ready for the final step. TTB calls it OHP: Operation Hot Debutante. Yip, it’s your coming out party! The next time you are forced to meet each other in a social situation ensure that you are civil, smiling and above all wearing a LBD. There’s nothing like looking glamorous, confident and SO over him to get you out of the dumps and back in the dating game! Who knows whom you might meet there?
Yours sincerely
TTB
P.S. This is dedicated to handbags all over the world who have at some time had to deal with unrequited love.
Friday, May 28, 2010
The trouble with being friends (with everyone)
Dear TTB
I have always thought that you can be good friends with guys - without having dubious intentions or ulterior motives. It is good to know that you have friends who are like brothers to you and who will look out for you - and just generally be your friend. But there's a catch - sometimes this "brother" person gets the wrong idea - and like someone from the deep south y'all, who plays hillbilly tunes on his banjo - likes you in a way a brother definitely shouldn't. Obviously this doesn't always happen but when it does, it comes as a nasty shock to your slightly-(maybe)-naive self. It is not so much the fact of the context of that person's affections for you changing. Rather, it is because you feel you have let someone down by not sharing the sentiment and perhaps even worse - you've given them the mistaken impression that you might want them to feel this way about you.
So what is the answer? Surely you can't avoid all friendships with guys like some nun in a high-walled convent? If you have friendships with guys who are naturally kind and caring towards all of their friends, it is really difficult to tell if it is brotherly love or more like "Ok, no more one-on-one time with you..." It is also really lame to say to someone who is, in their opinion, definitely just your friend: "so, what are we, like just um friends?" Blind. This could also come across as quite arrogant and could maximise the awkwardness factor. But when you notice that someone seems to like your company and wants to spend time with you - all still in the "friend" context as far as you know - is it up to you to avoid situations like these if you sense a vibe* (of a confusing variety)? There's also the possibility that people misconceive your care and friendliness as a sign of interest which totally messes up things because that makes guys and girls paranoid to care about one another in case someone gets the wrong idea.
The last thing you want is a rigid little set of how-to's. Legalism is so last season. I definitely don't think Jesus went around being all PC with a set of rules he meticulously followed. Hopefully you have some thoughts on the issue?
Thank you.
From Person-who-just-wants-to-be-friends (with everyone)
Dear Person-who-just-wants-to-be-friends (with everyone)
Now, there is a BIG question. There is so much and yet so little to be said on this subject. Relationships in church/Christian circles are always a tad more complex. The reasons being of course, for good reason: people have a desire to honour God and want to “guard their hearts” (to use a phrase right out of Song of Songs) and be pure in their interactions with each other. All good principles that I am well in agreement with but the complications arise when handbags and briefcases are in serious lack of some Emotional Intelligence. But I guess that’s why TTB is here to give a helping hand! First thing we need to establish is that there is no set of rules for dating in the Bible. (Which is just really unhelpful.) But God in his wisdom intended it that way so that men and women would seek him. Or else, what’s a heaven for? (To quote and unrelated excerpt of a poem.) God does say give us some clear guidelines for marriage and wow, am I happy for that! And perhaps people should be more focused on what the Bible says about marriage as opposed to working out how best to go about dating or “courting” to use a bit of Christianese. (This is all semantics of course, but don’t get me started on that…)
Nonetheless, church folk do try their very best to work out a “system” or perhaps a set of rules that they can stick to, to make dating work for them. The worse kind of legalism in my mind… So, I agree, legalism is out and obedience is in. People need to stick to finding God, reading His word and being obedient to it. Finished and klaar. Easy, hey? Unfortunately not because people make mistakes and are imperfect and we have to just live in forgiveness of that since we are certainly imperfect, every one of us. I have noticed two concepts that Christian singletons seem to confuse: guarding your heart and loving your neighbour. They think that being friends with everyone (particularly those of the opposite sex) means that they have the whole loving their neighbour thing waxed and then they try their level best to “guard their hearts” by constantly assessing every friendship that comes their way making sure that they are guarding everyone else’s hearts. (Yes, that’s where this whole paranoia of “does he/she like me” stems from. Of course TTB does have a simple solution to this: DIRECT COMMUNICATION. But since she is aware that some folks aren’t so keen on this ultra confrontational philosophy AND WILL TAKE NO NOTICE OF HER she will move on to other justifiable but NOT NEARLY AS SUCCESSFUL ways of dealing with this.) Anyway, this begs the question, what does it mean to guard YOUR heart? Well it means just that. You are responsible for your emotions. Not anyone else’s. (Of course I am not suggesting you flirt with all and sundry and then happily sit back and say: “Sorry for you. I am so not into you. And by the way, you should be guarding your own damn heart so don’t blame my hotness for you falling in love with me.”)
So you see. There are some very complex vibes attached to being single and Christian... So what am I getting at? TTB reckons you can still love your neighbour without being friends with every single person in your church. My thoughts are that trying to be friends with everyone is a hopeless cause. Trying to be friendly with everyone might be more attainable and even that might be a stretch. But rest assured, I don’t think you need to join the cloister around the corner! I agree that you should be friendly and kind to everyone and if all possessed a little EI and really did guard their own hearts then there wouldn’t be much of a problem. Alas, this is not the case. So what do you do? Firstly, I still maintain that girls and guys can’t be friends. And now you’re thinking in true Princess Diaries style: “Shut up!” But I will stand my ground on this one. Where there is an unattached male and an unattached female in a 5 metre radius of each other: one or the other (or maybe both) are considering whether “this could be love, love, love”. Of course there are things that people do that wreck havoc and cause people to jump to this conclusion more readily – texting, emailing and being intentional about inviting people to things. So, I would say that you keep those things to a minimum in your friendships with the opposite sex. And hang out in a more general way. There’s always a safety in numbers.
I do believe in having briefcase acquaintances – briefcases you are friendly with but you don’t necessarily hang out with all the time. They don’t need to know all your deep, dark secrets – keep conversations civil, friendly and light-hearted. You might be accused of being shallow, but that’s just too bad. Better shallow than in Bermuda. In fact loving your neighbour sometimes means that you don’t create unrealistic expectations in a friendship that is never going to go anywhere. So, the truth is you’re only going to end up marrying one person (hopefully, I mean polygamy is just a nightmare – imagine having more than one husby to look after? Nightmare, nightmare.) and once you’re hitched you’re not going to be friends with all these other guys. I mean like real “friends”. So then I say, why on earth start being “friends” with them in the first place? (See the post below for more of an exposition on this subject.)
I know that there are certain briefcases who I am friendly with who I consider “safe”. Boundaries are so very clear – they know and I know where we are at. We ain’t walking down that aisle. Ever. These briefcases tend to have a higher EI than most and are also more likely to tell you straight when they are sensing some vibes. And you also feel the liberty to keep lines of communication very open in this regard. There isn’t that awkwardness. Do you know what I mean? I think those are the briefcases who you MAY be able to have a truly brother-sister relationship where you can rely on them to watch out for you. But even then I wouldn’t push the envelope and I would still be cautious about spending too much time together, texting, emailing and facebooking etc. I mean, really, social networking has ruined our lives. Dating has just become that much more complex with all these forms of media interactions to be aware of. Makes me tired just thinking about it…
As Bill Cosby so wisely said, “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” “And I think that’s what people often try to do in these circles. Being friends with everyone is a nice sentiment but it comes at a price and it may mean that if you’re a particularly lovely and hot handbag (as I am sure you are) you will often get into the position of having Brother Briefcase wanting to sail off to distant shores with your heart. So it’s a call you’re going to have to make. Unfortunately there’s a cost either way. You can cease being friends with briefcases and that may mean it creates some awkwardness and people may not understand you. Also, you may not have much of a social life. The upside being that you don’t run into trouble with Brother Briefcase. Or you carry on being a social butterfly and be friends with everyone and run the risk that you may have to set the record straight with a few Brother Briefcases along the way. There’s just no way of having your cake and eating it. Good luck!
Yours sincerely
TTB
I have always thought that you can be good friends with guys - without having dubious intentions or ulterior motives. It is good to know that you have friends who are like brothers to you and who will look out for you - and just generally be your friend. But there's a catch - sometimes this "brother" person gets the wrong idea - and like someone from the deep south y'all, who plays hillbilly tunes on his banjo - likes you in a way a brother definitely shouldn't. Obviously this doesn't always happen but when it does, it comes as a nasty shock to your slightly-(maybe)-naive self. It is not so much the fact of the context of that person's affections for you changing. Rather, it is because you feel you have let someone down by not sharing the sentiment and perhaps even worse - you've given them the mistaken impression that you might want them to feel this way about you.
So what is the answer? Surely you can't avoid all friendships with guys like some nun in a high-walled convent? If you have friendships with guys who are naturally kind and caring towards all of their friends, it is really difficult to tell if it is brotherly love or more like "Ok, no more one-on-one time with you..." It is also really lame to say to someone who is, in their opinion, definitely just your friend: "so, what are we, like just um friends?" Blind. This could also come across as quite arrogant and could maximise the awkwardness factor. But when you notice that someone seems to like your company and wants to spend time with you - all still in the "friend" context as far as you know - is it up to you to avoid situations like these if you sense a vibe* (of a confusing variety)? There's also the possibility that people misconceive your care and friendliness as a sign of interest which totally messes up things because that makes guys and girls paranoid to care about one another in case someone gets the wrong idea.
The last thing you want is a rigid little set of how-to's. Legalism is so last season. I definitely don't think Jesus went around being all PC with a set of rules he meticulously followed. Hopefully you have some thoughts on the issue?
Thank you.
From Person-who-just-wants-to-be-friends (with everyone)
Dear Person-who-just-wants-to-be-friends (with everyone)
Now, there is a BIG question. There is so much and yet so little to be said on this subject. Relationships in church/Christian circles are always a tad more complex. The reasons being of course, for good reason: people have a desire to honour God and want to “guard their hearts” (to use a phrase right out of Song of Songs) and be pure in their interactions with each other. All good principles that I am well in agreement with but the complications arise when handbags and briefcases are in serious lack of some Emotional Intelligence. But I guess that’s why TTB is here to give a helping hand! First thing we need to establish is that there is no set of rules for dating in the Bible. (Which is just really unhelpful.) But God in his wisdom intended it that way so that men and women would seek him. Or else, what’s a heaven for? (To quote and unrelated excerpt of a poem.) God does say give us some clear guidelines for marriage and wow, am I happy for that! And perhaps people should be more focused on what the Bible says about marriage as opposed to working out how best to go about dating or “courting” to use a bit of Christianese. (This is all semantics of course, but don’t get me started on that…)
Nonetheless, church folk do try their very best to work out a “system” or perhaps a set of rules that they can stick to, to make dating work for them. The worse kind of legalism in my mind… So, I agree, legalism is out and obedience is in. People need to stick to finding God, reading His word and being obedient to it. Finished and klaar. Easy, hey? Unfortunately not because people make mistakes and are imperfect and we have to just live in forgiveness of that since we are certainly imperfect, every one of us. I have noticed two concepts that Christian singletons seem to confuse: guarding your heart and loving your neighbour. They think that being friends with everyone (particularly those of the opposite sex) means that they have the whole loving their neighbour thing waxed and then they try their level best to “guard their hearts” by constantly assessing every friendship that comes their way making sure that they are guarding everyone else’s hearts. (Yes, that’s where this whole paranoia of “does he/she like me” stems from. Of course TTB does have a simple solution to this: DIRECT COMMUNICATION. But since she is aware that some folks aren’t so keen on this ultra confrontational philosophy AND WILL TAKE NO NOTICE OF HER she will move on to other justifiable but NOT NEARLY AS SUCCESSFUL ways of dealing with this.) Anyway, this begs the question, what does it mean to guard YOUR heart? Well it means just that. You are responsible for your emotions. Not anyone else’s. (Of course I am not suggesting you flirt with all and sundry and then happily sit back and say: “Sorry for you. I am so not into you. And by the way, you should be guarding your own damn heart so don’t blame my hotness for you falling in love with me.”)
So you see. There are some very complex vibes attached to being single and Christian... So what am I getting at? TTB reckons you can still love your neighbour without being friends with every single person in your church. My thoughts are that trying to be friends with everyone is a hopeless cause. Trying to be friendly with everyone might be more attainable and even that might be a stretch. But rest assured, I don’t think you need to join the cloister around the corner! I agree that you should be friendly and kind to everyone and if all possessed a little EI and really did guard their own hearts then there wouldn’t be much of a problem. Alas, this is not the case. So what do you do? Firstly, I still maintain that girls and guys can’t be friends. And now you’re thinking in true Princess Diaries style: “Shut up!” But I will stand my ground on this one. Where there is an unattached male and an unattached female in a 5 metre radius of each other: one or the other (or maybe both) are considering whether “this could be love, love, love”. Of course there are things that people do that wreck havoc and cause people to jump to this conclusion more readily – texting, emailing and being intentional about inviting people to things. So, I would say that you keep those things to a minimum in your friendships with the opposite sex. And hang out in a more general way. There’s always a safety in numbers.
I do believe in having briefcase acquaintances – briefcases you are friendly with but you don’t necessarily hang out with all the time. They don’t need to know all your deep, dark secrets – keep conversations civil, friendly and light-hearted. You might be accused of being shallow, but that’s just too bad. Better shallow than in Bermuda. In fact loving your neighbour sometimes means that you don’t create unrealistic expectations in a friendship that is never going to go anywhere. So, the truth is you’re only going to end up marrying one person (hopefully, I mean polygamy is just a nightmare – imagine having more than one husby to look after? Nightmare, nightmare.) and once you’re hitched you’re not going to be friends with all these other guys. I mean like real “friends”. So then I say, why on earth start being “friends” with them in the first place? (See the post below for more of an exposition on this subject.)
I know that there are certain briefcases who I am friendly with who I consider “safe”. Boundaries are so very clear – they know and I know where we are at. We ain’t walking down that aisle. Ever. These briefcases tend to have a higher EI than most and are also more likely to tell you straight when they are sensing some vibes. And you also feel the liberty to keep lines of communication very open in this regard. There isn’t that awkwardness. Do you know what I mean? I think those are the briefcases who you MAY be able to have a truly brother-sister relationship where you can rely on them to watch out for you. But even then I wouldn’t push the envelope and I would still be cautious about spending too much time together, texting, emailing and facebooking etc. I mean, really, social networking has ruined our lives. Dating has just become that much more complex with all these forms of media interactions to be aware of. Makes me tired just thinking about it…
As Bill Cosby so wisely said, “I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” “And I think that’s what people often try to do in these circles. Being friends with everyone is a nice sentiment but it comes at a price and it may mean that if you’re a particularly lovely and hot handbag (as I am sure you are) you will often get into the position of having Brother Briefcase wanting to sail off to distant shores with your heart. So it’s a call you’re going to have to make. Unfortunately there’s a cost either way. You can cease being friends with briefcases and that may mean it creates some awkwardness and people may not understand you. Also, you may not have much of a social life. The upside being that you don’t run into trouble with Brother Briefcase. Or you carry on being a social butterfly and be friends with everyone and run the risk that you may have to set the record straight with a few Brother Briefcases along the way. There’s just no way of having your cake and eating it. Good luck!
Yours sincerely
TTB
Monday, May 24, 2010
The trouble with being TOGWTHBTBAGF
Dear TTB
I want to ask about something that happened to me a while ago, it's left a really nasty taste in my mouth.
So, I had this really good friend. We hung out a lot and sometimes the whole situation was a bit grey, I'll admit. I wasn't so sure if I was keen when she was and vice versa. So I guess we kinda went on dates on and off for about 2 years, in spite of that, at the bottom of it all we were really great mates. We were into the same stuff and she wasn't admin to be around, so we hung out a lot. There was a lot of mutual respect too. We were really GOOD MATES. Like she was definitely my best girl friend.
Anyway, she ended up finding a guy she actually KNEW she wanted to date and started dating him. I was stoked. For real. I mean we had tried it out and it sort of never worked out well, our timing was all off and so I was really happy for her, I mean ultimately we were better as friends all along. So great, let's be honest and not make it a big awkward issue, let's just be friends. I knew the guy and we'd hung out a couple of times, he's cool, we are mates, no weirdness...until she made it totally weird and started being all strange about it. Anyway, I was chilled, we were all still mates and I can get that it may have felt awkward for her. I guess in the end I was better mates with the guy than the girl, which is normal in these situations.
Then 4 months ago they got engaged. I was/am so happy for them - they are good for each other, they make a good couple. I've always thought so, much better than she and I would EVER be together. Plus they are my mates, of course I'm happy for them. He did well.
Now I've put up with a whole lot of weirdness from her since they started dating, which I can deal with, but the one thing that's made me super bleak is this:
When they got engaged, they told EVERYONE except me. Like everyone. Even randoms who they were vaguely acquainted with. I totally read about their engagement on OTHER PEOPLE'S face book status updates before they told me. Being mates with both parties and once being REALLY good mates with the girl, I was really disappointed with them - or her more, I guess. Did they really think that I was that hung up on her that I couldn't take it? Did she think I was that lame? Maybe they just don't count me a mate anymore after all her weird vibes? So like 3 days later after everyone else had told me how it happened, when they were getting married and the whole trip, I get this sad little text message basically saying: "guess what, we're engaged." As if I didn't know. I feel like I've been made to feel like I'm the lame ass emotionally immature person in this situation. Why couldn't they just be normal and tell me like they told everyone else, I mean flip, I was/am so stoked for them! It's a pity they didn't think I would be. I'm bleak that our friendship has got so cold.
The other guy who tried his best to be a good friend.
Dear TOGWTHBTBAGF
Wow, what a story. What a tragedy of emotional idiocy. Guess it comes down to the question of “Can handbags and briefcases ever be ‘just friends’?” Mmm. TTB has really been pondering this a great deal lately and she seems to be leaning towards a very firm, “NO!” So TTB’s assessment is as follows:
You were definitely in Bermuda territory for much of your friendship. (TTB will go easy on you about this because TTB can see you’re quite um…cut up/frustrated with the situation.) Basically the two of you should definitely have spoken this through. Would have made things a lot easier now. COMMUNICATION! If TTB’s said it once, she’s said it a thousand times… Because you didn’t chat this through, your friend obviously was left with somewhat ambivalent feelings towards you and the former friendship you had, resulting in awkward vibes between the two of you.
That said the fact that you tried your best to befriend both of them – particularly her new boyfriend - means that you were really trying to show your support in their relationship and to make things as normal as possible. But, let’s face it; any guy-girl friendship always goes south as soon as one of the people starts dating someone else. Then it becomes even stranger when they become engaged and then you can probably just about kiss the friendship goodbye once ex-Bermuda “friend” ends up hitched. (Unless of course you and Husby end up as big mates?) Sad, but true. TTB doesn’t think that this is a bad thing. It’s a very necessary thing, if not totally appropriate. It’s just the natural order of things. I’m sure you wouldn’t want your future fiancée/wife hanging out with any of her former guy friends? It’s just a bit weird. Nonetheless you seemed to handle the transition, most appropriately! So, kudos for that.
Your newly engaged friend, however, is a moron. Plain and simple. She is clearly lacking some EI and TTB wouldn’t mind giving her a mouthful about it. She should have just been “Harry Casual” about the whole thing and told you just like everybody else. Hello? How hard would that have been? The only other explanation that TTB can offer is that she may have forgotten to send you a message? For whatever reason it was a horrible oversight not to let you know. The issue definitely lies with her. If you had been some awful, ex-boyfriend who smashed her heart into a million pieces, TTB’d say that you definitely didn’t need to be informed of her pending marriage. But since you’re the guy who tried his best to be a good friend, TTB says: shame on her!
The long and the short of it is that you got a raw deal and TTB is sorry for that. It sucks big time. Much can be learned though. Stay out of undefined friendships with handbags – it only leads to trouble. The upside is that once you find a handbag you do want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll have a “best girl friend” you will be friends with forever! Isn’t that a happy thought? All these other friendships with people of the opposite sex are just a counterfeit of the real deal, anyway.
Yours sincerely
TTB
PS Your spelling is atrocious – TTB had to do a fair amount of editing. Keep working on that. (Sorry, TTB knows you’re bleak and all, but that’s no reason to abuse the English language.)
PPS If you’re wondering whether you should go to the wedding or not, you should. Some advice for free: If you were an ex-boyfriend, TTB would say that the polite thing to do was to decline the invite feigning illness or a longstanding family engagement at your Great Aunt Muriel’s.
I want to ask about something that happened to me a while ago, it's left a really nasty taste in my mouth.
So, I had this really good friend. We hung out a lot and sometimes the whole situation was a bit grey, I'll admit. I wasn't so sure if I was keen when she was and vice versa. So I guess we kinda went on dates on and off for about 2 years, in spite of that, at the bottom of it all we were really great mates. We were into the same stuff and she wasn't admin to be around, so we hung out a lot. There was a lot of mutual respect too. We were really GOOD MATES. Like she was definitely my best girl friend.
Anyway, she ended up finding a guy she actually KNEW she wanted to date and started dating him. I was stoked. For real. I mean we had tried it out and it sort of never worked out well, our timing was all off and so I was really happy for her, I mean ultimately we were better as friends all along. So great, let's be honest and not make it a big awkward issue, let's just be friends. I knew the guy and we'd hung out a couple of times, he's cool, we are mates, no weirdness...until she made it totally weird and started being all strange about it. Anyway, I was chilled, we were all still mates and I can get that it may have felt awkward for her. I guess in the end I was better mates with the guy than the girl, which is normal in these situations.
Then 4 months ago they got engaged. I was/am so happy for them - they are good for each other, they make a good couple. I've always thought so, much better than she and I would EVER be together. Plus they are my mates, of course I'm happy for them. He did well.
Now I've put up with a whole lot of weirdness from her since they started dating, which I can deal with, but the one thing that's made me super bleak is this:
When they got engaged, they told EVERYONE except me. Like everyone. Even randoms who they were vaguely acquainted with. I totally read about their engagement on OTHER PEOPLE'S face book status updates before they told me. Being mates with both parties and once being REALLY good mates with the girl, I was really disappointed with them - or her more, I guess. Did they really think that I was that hung up on her that I couldn't take it? Did she think I was that lame? Maybe they just don't count me a mate anymore after all her weird vibes? So like 3 days later after everyone else had told me how it happened, when they were getting married and the whole trip, I get this sad little text message basically saying: "guess what, we're engaged." As if I didn't know. I feel like I've been made to feel like I'm the lame ass emotionally immature person in this situation. Why couldn't they just be normal and tell me like they told everyone else, I mean flip, I was/am so stoked for them! It's a pity they didn't think I would be. I'm bleak that our friendship has got so cold.
The other guy who tried his best to be a good friend.
Dear TOGWTHBTBAGF
Wow, what a story. What a tragedy of emotional idiocy. Guess it comes down to the question of “Can handbags and briefcases ever be ‘just friends’?” Mmm. TTB has really been pondering this a great deal lately and she seems to be leaning towards a very firm, “NO!” So TTB’s assessment is as follows:
You were definitely in Bermuda territory for much of your friendship. (TTB will go easy on you about this because TTB can see you’re quite um…cut up/frustrated with the situation.) Basically the two of you should definitely have spoken this through. Would have made things a lot easier now. COMMUNICATION! If TTB’s said it once, she’s said it a thousand times… Because you didn’t chat this through, your friend obviously was left with somewhat ambivalent feelings towards you and the former friendship you had, resulting in awkward vibes between the two of you.
That said the fact that you tried your best to befriend both of them – particularly her new boyfriend - means that you were really trying to show your support in their relationship and to make things as normal as possible. But, let’s face it; any guy-girl friendship always goes south as soon as one of the people starts dating someone else. Then it becomes even stranger when they become engaged and then you can probably just about kiss the friendship goodbye once ex-Bermuda “friend” ends up hitched. (Unless of course you and Husby end up as big mates?) Sad, but true. TTB doesn’t think that this is a bad thing. It’s a very necessary thing, if not totally appropriate. It’s just the natural order of things. I’m sure you wouldn’t want your future fiancée/wife hanging out with any of her former guy friends? It’s just a bit weird. Nonetheless you seemed to handle the transition, most appropriately! So, kudos for that.
Your newly engaged friend, however, is a moron. Plain and simple. She is clearly lacking some EI and TTB wouldn’t mind giving her a mouthful about it. She should have just been “Harry Casual” about the whole thing and told you just like everybody else. Hello? How hard would that have been? The only other explanation that TTB can offer is that she may have forgotten to send you a message? For whatever reason it was a horrible oversight not to let you know. The issue definitely lies with her. If you had been some awful, ex-boyfriend who smashed her heart into a million pieces, TTB’d say that you definitely didn’t need to be informed of her pending marriage. But since you’re the guy who tried his best to be a good friend, TTB says: shame on her!
The long and the short of it is that you got a raw deal and TTB is sorry for that. It sucks big time. Much can be learned though. Stay out of undefined friendships with handbags – it only leads to trouble. The upside is that once you find a handbag you do want to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll have a “best girl friend” you will be friends with forever! Isn’t that a happy thought? All these other friendships with people of the opposite sex are just a counterfeit of the real deal, anyway.
Yours sincerely
TTB
PS Your spelling is atrocious – TTB had to do a fair amount of editing. Keep working on that. (Sorry, TTB knows you’re bleak and all, but that’s no reason to abuse the English language.)
PPS If you’re wondering whether you should go to the wedding or not, you should. Some advice for free: If you were an ex-boyfriend, TTB would say that the polite thing to do was to decline the invite feigning illness or a longstanding family engagement at your Great Aunt Muriel’s.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Sutherland se staaltjies
Die Turkooise Sak (DTS) is met vakansie en praat nou net Afrikaans terwyl sy by haar ouma kuier. Ouma Jordaan maak by Sutherland se ouetehuis haar woning. DTS was lanklaas op die pragtige plattelandse dorpie en het met hierdie vakansie, opnuut haar liefde vir die platteland gevind. In haar kinderjare het sy ten minste een vakansie per jaar op die gesinsplaas, Geelhoek, deurgebring. Daar het sy en haar handsaksusters die hele plaas plat verken, die sterre bekyk en ‘n paar skape ook huistoe geja. As u suiwer Afrikaans verstaan en skryf, sal u asseblief die foute wat DTS in hierdie rubriek sal maak (of alreeds gemaak het!), verskoon. Haar rekenaarongeletterheid gaan ook te vore kom want sy weet glad nie hoe om al daardie aksente op die e’s and u’s te maak nie! U sal maar moet raai wanneer sy van se soos in “die handsak SE vakansie” en oor SE soos in praat skryf...
Die eerste ding wat ‘n handsak agterkom wanneer sy by Sutherland aanland is daai Namakwa-aksent was orals rondom haar is. Partykeer maak dit haar so deurmekaar want die ou mense loop verby haar ouma se woonstel en gesels en dan dink DTS, ouma praat met haar! Almal klink dieselfde! Of miskien het DTS so lanklaas ‘n goeie Namakwalander teegekom dat sy all vergeet het hoe hulle klink. (Die ouetehuis laat haar baie aan 7de Laan se Matrone se ou mensies dink.) Maar laat DTS ‘n bietjie oor die ouetehuis uitbrui. Sy het nou al vir Tannie Marie, die kerk se orreliste en haar ma se ou musiekonderwyseres ontmoet. Ouma het seker gemaak dat daar Dinsdag tyd was vir ‘n koppie koffie en ‘n kuiertjie voor middagete. Ouma sou mos in warm water gewees het as sy nie haar kleindogter vir Tannie Marie kom voorstel het nie! DTS het uitgevind dat Tannie Marie baie van Sutherland se restourante weet en sy het sommer fluks begin rondvra oor die beste plek vir ouma en DTS om te gaan uiteet.
Toe vind Tannie Dina uit dat DTS by Tannie Marie gaan kuier het en sy se toe vir ouma dat sy ook ‘n koppie koffie saam met DTS wil drink. Ons hele dag is rondom die koffie-drinkery vandag gederigeer. Maar hoe wonderlik toe ons daar aankom! Soet en suur beskuit en Tannie Dina se ouma se Klapperkoekies. (Haar ouma het dit nie gemaak nie – dis haar resep!) Die platteland is maar wonderlik anders. In die stad moet almal ‘n maand vooruit planne maak om saam ‘n koppie koffie te drink (en partykeer gaan dit meer oor hoe die koffie proe en nie oor die kuier nie). Hier drink tannies saam kitskoffie en eet ‘n paar tuisgebakte koekies en val sommer enige tyd by mekaar se huise in. (Soos Tannie van der Merwe wat nou net hier in geloer het om 'n bietjie biltong te kom afgee.) Op pad huis toe loop ons toe ou Oom Willem raak. Soos Oom Willem DTS se hand skud vertel hy haar dat “Mooi Nooi” haar nuwe bynaam by die Ouetehuis is. Sy dink sy moet miskien so bietjie langer hier bly. Baie goed vir haar selfbeeld...
Daar is nog ‘n paar “Sutherland se staaltjies” wat DTS graag wil vertel maar ouma wag met ‘n bord rys, vleis and aartappels. (Het u al ooit Sutherland se vleis geproe? U sal dink Pick ‘n Pay het jou al jare lank die verkeerde goed gevoer.) En DTS kan nie meer met die geur van die kos en die kol op haar maag skryf nie.
Tot volgende keer!
DTS
Die eerste ding wat ‘n handsak agterkom wanneer sy by Sutherland aanland is daai Namakwa-aksent was orals rondom haar is. Partykeer maak dit haar so deurmekaar want die ou mense loop verby haar ouma se woonstel en gesels en dan dink DTS, ouma praat met haar! Almal klink dieselfde! Of miskien het DTS so lanklaas ‘n goeie Namakwalander teegekom dat sy all vergeet het hoe hulle klink. (Die ouetehuis laat haar baie aan 7de Laan se Matrone se ou mensies dink.) Maar laat DTS ‘n bietjie oor die ouetehuis uitbrui. Sy het nou al vir Tannie Marie, die kerk se orreliste en haar ma se ou musiekonderwyseres ontmoet. Ouma het seker gemaak dat daar Dinsdag tyd was vir ‘n koppie koffie en ‘n kuiertjie voor middagete. Ouma sou mos in warm water gewees het as sy nie haar kleindogter vir Tannie Marie kom voorstel het nie! DTS het uitgevind dat Tannie Marie baie van Sutherland se restourante weet en sy het sommer fluks begin rondvra oor die beste plek vir ouma en DTS om te gaan uiteet.
Toe vind Tannie Dina uit dat DTS by Tannie Marie gaan kuier het en sy se toe vir ouma dat sy ook ‘n koppie koffie saam met DTS wil drink. Ons hele dag is rondom die koffie-drinkery vandag gederigeer. Maar hoe wonderlik toe ons daar aankom! Soet en suur beskuit en Tannie Dina se ouma se Klapperkoekies. (Haar ouma het dit nie gemaak nie – dis haar resep!) Die platteland is maar wonderlik anders. In die stad moet almal ‘n maand vooruit planne maak om saam ‘n koppie koffie te drink (en partykeer gaan dit meer oor hoe die koffie proe en nie oor die kuier nie). Hier drink tannies saam kitskoffie en eet ‘n paar tuisgebakte koekies en val sommer enige tyd by mekaar se huise in. (Soos Tannie van der Merwe wat nou net hier in geloer het om 'n bietjie biltong te kom afgee.) Op pad huis toe loop ons toe ou Oom Willem raak. Soos Oom Willem DTS se hand skud vertel hy haar dat “Mooi Nooi” haar nuwe bynaam by die Ouetehuis is. Sy dink sy moet miskien so bietjie langer hier bly. Baie goed vir haar selfbeeld...
Daar is nog ‘n paar “Sutherland se staaltjies” wat DTS graag wil vertel maar ouma wag met ‘n bord rys, vleis and aartappels. (Het u al ooit Sutherland se vleis geproe? U sal dink Pick ‘n Pay het jou al jare lank die verkeerde goed gevoer.) En DTS kan nie meer met die geur van die kos en die kol op haar maag skryf nie.
Tot volgende keer!
DTS
Monday, May 17, 2010
The trouble with having too many options
Dear TTB
I have a question about what to do when you have options of a few potential relationships. I mean how do you decide who to date? I kind of like all of them… Please help me!
Thanks
Girl-with-many-options
Dear Girl-with-many-options
You are indeed in a conundrum if you have more than one interested suitor. I have a few things to say about this topic.
1) You may be having delusions of hotness. Yes, it’s kind of like having a phantom pregnancy. You think all of these guys are interested in you when perhaps they really aren’t. Harsh, but true. So before you invest too much emotion and brain power into mulling this dilemma over, I would suggest that you make sure these briefcases are keen on you. Of course I am not suggesting that you aren’t attractive or that these briefcases aren’t in fact interested in being more than compadres. I am merely suggesting that you consider this as a possible option. Enough said.
2) A sure fire way of making sure these “options” are well, really, options is to use the Julianne-chasing Michael-chasing Kimmy test. Yes, it was inspired by my all time favourite flick: My Best Friend’s Wedding. (Julia and Everett, I <3 you!) So you know the scene where Julianne is trying to destroy the pending wedding of Kimmy and Michael and she calls George (the man we all wish was straight) and tells him of her latest failed plans and he in exasperation says, “Michael was chasing Kimmy and you were chasing Michael. Who was chasing you? Nobody!” There’s a lot to be learned from George’s observation. If the briefcase ain’t chasing you, he ain’t into you. And any kind of chasing from your side is a total waste of time. (This latter is just general advice – maybe doesn’t apply totally to your situation.) So are any of them sincerely pursuing you and making their intentions clear? Yes? You still have at least two suitors on your mind who fit this description? Then proceed to point 3.
3) Another great piece of TV advice that has stuck with me is the advice Mrs Camden gave Lucy Camden in one of the early seasons of 7th Heaven. (Yes, I admit I used to watch 7th Heaven. Bite me.) Anyway, so Lucy was being pursued by the hippie Rod and her straight-as-an-arrow former boyfriend, Jimmy Moon. Rod wrote her a ballad expressing his deep affection for her (it made absolutely no sense but was sweet nonetheless). Jimmy Moon said some speech or other, at any rate it was far less memorable then Rod’s luuuurve song. (if it were up to me, I would have chosen Rod!) After all this she couldn’t decide which one she was going to go out with. Eventually her mom gently tells her that if she can’t decide between the two of them, then she probably doesn’t really like either of them. So she rejects both of them and still ends up marrying the hot but VERY BORING fire fighter. (So unrealistic, but this is TV we’re talking about. Really, she should have stuck with Rod.) But the advice still rings true: if you can’t make up your mind because one of them doesn’t clearly stand out to you, it’s obvious you don’t want to be in a relationship with any of them.
Well, that’s all I have to say on that subject. Hope it all works out for the best!
Yours sincerely
TTB
I have a question about what to do when you have options of a few potential relationships. I mean how do you decide who to date? I kind of like all of them… Please help me!
Thanks
Girl-with-many-options
Dear Girl-with-many-options
You are indeed in a conundrum if you have more than one interested suitor. I have a few things to say about this topic.
1) You may be having delusions of hotness. Yes, it’s kind of like having a phantom pregnancy. You think all of these guys are interested in you when perhaps they really aren’t. Harsh, but true. So before you invest too much emotion and brain power into mulling this dilemma over, I would suggest that you make sure these briefcases are keen on you. Of course I am not suggesting that you aren’t attractive or that these briefcases aren’t in fact interested in being more than compadres. I am merely suggesting that you consider this as a possible option. Enough said.
2) A sure fire way of making sure these “options” are well, really, options is to use the Julianne-chasing Michael-chasing Kimmy test. Yes, it was inspired by my all time favourite flick: My Best Friend’s Wedding. (Julia and Everett, I <3 you!) So you know the scene where Julianne is trying to destroy the pending wedding of Kimmy and Michael and she calls George (the man we all wish was straight) and tells him of her latest failed plans and he in exasperation says, “Michael was chasing Kimmy and you were chasing Michael. Who was chasing you? Nobody!” There’s a lot to be learned from George’s observation. If the briefcase ain’t chasing you, he ain’t into you. And any kind of chasing from your side is a total waste of time. (This latter is just general advice – maybe doesn’t apply totally to your situation.) So are any of them sincerely pursuing you and making their intentions clear? Yes? You still have at least two suitors on your mind who fit this description? Then proceed to point 3.
3) Another great piece of TV advice that has stuck with me is the advice Mrs Camden gave Lucy Camden in one of the early seasons of 7th Heaven. (Yes, I admit I used to watch 7th Heaven. Bite me.) Anyway, so Lucy was being pursued by the hippie Rod and her straight-as-an-arrow former boyfriend, Jimmy Moon. Rod wrote her a ballad expressing his deep affection for her (it made absolutely no sense but was sweet nonetheless). Jimmy Moon said some speech or other, at any rate it was far less memorable then Rod’s luuuurve song. (if it were up to me, I would have chosen Rod!) After all this she couldn’t decide which one she was going to go out with. Eventually her mom gently tells her that if she can’t decide between the two of them, then she probably doesn’t really like either of them. So she rejects both of them and still ends up marrying the hot but VERY BORING fire fighter. (So unrealistic, but this is TV we’re talking about. Really, she should have stuck with Rod.) But the advice still rings true: if you can’t make up your mind because one of them doesn’t clearly stand out to you, it’s obvious you don’t want to be in a relationship with any of them.
Well, that’s all I have to say on that subject. Hope it all works out for the best!
Yours sincerely
TTB
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